Do you Know?

Do you ever know that I have ADHD? Was that shocking to you? It's shocking for me too, because I know about it, then forgot, then I remember. What's really wierd is that you wouldn't tell that I have ADHD. I somehow trained my brain to focus excessivly in one task. I don't know how I did it, but I did.

When I was little, I used to take this pill called Aderall XR. This pill that I'm taking is supposed to make me think before my actions, and to have a higher concentration level in my tasks. But, the downside is that I wouldn't be able to talk right. I have a slow reaction to my actions instead of my brain. My mind is telling me this and I could not interpret that into words. Words is a foreign language to me. It still is. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, the wrong word, and the wrong sentence format. That pill does not help me with my social skills at all, and I already am having trouble with social skills in the first place. That pill also took away my personality. On the upside, I could focus, but on the downside, I will follow every single order somebody gives me. I was playing "nice nice" and "teacher's pet." I never attentionally brake any rules. I was like a robot, with no feelings, and once something happend, then I would tear down just like that. And I would not recognize why I'm crying; why I'm doing this. I cannot identify my feelings at all when I was young. I still can't today. Sometimes I would ask myself, "why are you crying?" And I would not have an answer. I first took this pill when I was in 2nd grade, and stopped taking it in 8th grade. I would take it every single day, and if I would forget a day, then it would take 2-3 days to get back on focus. I believe that since I took that pill during my child development stages, that I would still act the same thing today. I'm trying to break that path, because truthfully, I know that I could do better.

The reason why I say this is because ever since I stopped taking this pill, I was in a lot of school activities, in Girl Scouts, and in church activities. Because I was in all these activities, I need excessive focus. I was even in Cross Country, and personally, I think that Cross Country, or some type of excersice, helps because it makes you think before you react. And that's what I needed at that time. I was also interested into music, and I think that helped me with my talking, too. And look at me now! I have all A's, I finished and recieved my Girl Scout Gold Award (which is the highest award in Girl Scouts), I'm in National Council of Youth Leadership, and other things. If you are struggling, don't dwell in the past. Just do something to improve yourself and shock other people on what you can do.