Senior Life

Today is semesters, and it's my last first year of school in high school. Some of my classmates are graduating early, and I'm really saddened by this because I've known them since middle school. I wish that I would be able to be friends with them. It saddens me that I barley have bff's in my own grade.

Whenever I see my former teachers, I would think, what are their names? When did I know them? What did they teach? I would ask that every single time. A lot of students could name their teachers from preschool to present. But I could not remember any single one besides my 2nd grade teacher and my present teachers. It's really sad because I was a stuck up teacher's pet, and I barley know my teachers anymore. Is that a natural thing to do? Just to forget about your adolescence years just like that?

I could not believe that tomorrow would be the last day of school for Christmas Break and I only have 5 months of my senior life left. And I don't know what to sign up for in my schedule that I would really love! I just signed up for pointless things like Culinary Arts and Socialology. I also have 2 choir classes, study hall, orchestra, English IV, Financial Literacy, and Play Production. I should of signed up for physics, AP Pshycology, Anatomy, and pre-calculas. But I didn't. I didn't because I am so bad at math that I almost failed Algebra II and had to switch teachers. My senior life is pointless. I cannot wait until college because of the classes. I want to take some musically inclined classes and learn to conduct and learn to compose music more effectivly.

About my last blog... I understand that people can't help themselves to what they become and how they are depressed about it. Like some had family members that died. Some have a disorder and doesn't have the money to treat it. Some have been through divorced, some have experianced their pets dying, and some have been through some hurt of sexual abuse and any other type of abuse out there. And what you have experianced has an outcome in how you act in later life. All of that takes extraordinary healing and you need support whenever you can. But if you havn't been through that and decide to listen to what other harrasing bullies say, then you are ruining yourself by listening to them. Again, you are the critic. Do something positive to stop the name calling. And tell a councelor, parent, friend, mentor, and teacher. It's a fighting battle, but you can overcome it.

On Saturday, I hanged out in the bowling alley and was talking to someone about her point of view of how people should behave. She told me that it's all in your head, how you act, what are you thinking, and strive towards it. She told me that even those who had been bullied should not think about what other people say; don't dwell on it, think of something positive about yourself. YOU are the critic. Not some bimbo on the streets that called you names like slut, and whore. Sure, words can hurt, but they are not like the supreme judge that you depended on.You cannot dwell on what other people say, you are making yourself the target by looking all depressed and not tidying yourself up. You have the power to change other people's responsives. If somebody called you ugly, then wear nice clothes and take care of your hygine. If someone called you fat, then join a sport and meet new friends. Negative+Negative does not make a positive, so in that sence, do some positive enforcement in your life and it will have a positive outcome. Change your thoughts; they are the most powerful thing about your actions that you do. Do not mope on your past. A past doesn't matter as long as you've outcome your struggles. Everyone has been through some name-calling, and I mean everyone. But when you look at them today, you couldn't see it. They have been through being bullied and picked on, yet they are not scared for life. Don't mope on one single thing like it's the end of the world, because I can tell you- it will get a lot worse as you get older. So, forget about the drama, it's not a big deal, and fix it. And please- I'm not saying that you HAVE to do this and that in order for people to like you-rather, just join in an activity that you love to do and find some friends there. Then you can grow a lot by your personality and have a statement about what you've been through and how you persue it.

That's all for now~
Anna

December

Well, December finally hit, and so far, there is no snow in the ground. Last month was our driest November ever in recorded history of Sioux City. I don't know when it would snow, but if it kept on delaying, that means a huge snow storm in January-April. Don't want that to happen.

Only 8 more days until Madrical. My high school is performing Madrical in the Shrine Temple, which is the Masonic Headquarters in Sioux City. Coincidently, that's where my parents got the piano for free. Anyways, on December 9, I will be part of a Royal Court, the Royal Orchestra, and Lady-in-Waiting at the same time. Fun, right? Having to perform 18 pieces in one night?! Ah well. I did that last year, and that's what I get for signing up two choirs and Orchestra.

My grandma will come on Friday, along with my sister, and my parents! I can't wait! This will be my sister's and my grandma's first time ever seeing it. It will be exciting. Oh, and I forgot. I will be performing my skit. I cannot wait. I'm Hester the Ugly, and I took over the throne along with Mordric, although he's supposed to stink in the script. It will be fun.

On Saturday, all I do is serve tables and be Lady-in-Waiting. I won't have much fun as Friday night, but at least I get to sing.

Girl Scout Gold Award

Guess what? My name was on t.v.! Yep, that's right. And this Sunday I'll be able to recieve my Gold Award in the Public Museum! (Sorry, I don't want to say where it is because I'm insecure who reads this). But, a Gold Award is the highest award in Girl Scouts and is equivalent as the Eagle Award in Boy Scouts. What I was doing is that I displayed Dr. Hartje's rocks in one of the classrooms at the museum for educational purposes. I documented over 2,000 rocks and took pictures, measured, displayed, make labels, and mount labels. I'm supposed to have a minumum of 80 hours, but I finished my project with 161 hours!

This Sunday will be a big day. I have to deliver a speech, do the Girl Scout Promise and the Girl Scout Law, get pinned on, and enjoy the astonishing faces of those people that I loved. I invited my friends, my family, my teachers, principles, and my church to see this wonderful event taking place.

If you want further details, please leave a message.

Finallly know what to write about!

Hey guys. Just to tell you that I found out what to actually write about in my story. It will be about somebody who is going to change the world by changing what people think. Like instead of being biased to gays, they will actually learn to accept them as human beings and appreciate them. Treat them the same as every single individual. You know, it's rediculous that it's 2011, and people are still mistreating each other in racial ways. I want to change that. So, why not write a book about it? I think that will be great.

Well, that's all I'm going to give you on the book. I just got the idea last night, so I'm not giving any more details and stuff until I published my work. Which will take a long time.

So,
See ya!

Being Prepared for College

Tonight is my Orchestra Concert, and in the midst of that, I'm thinking if I'm ready for college-music wise. What I responded is "no." I'm not ready for auditions to get a scholarship. I'm also not ready for their curriculum. I'm so scared of all my hard work going to waste. I have been this far, pursuing more than others in my age, and I get....nothing.

Yesterday I was at Mary Ann's place to have my piano lesson. She told me that I had improved, but there's a lot of hard work for me yet. In one of the songs, I have to play 16th notes in one hand, then 8th notes in the other, with occasional 8th rests in the song. That is hard! I don't know if I could do that challenge. I also suck at timing and giving the notes the proper value, which is crucial in college.

In my violin playing, I suck. Well, not really. But I'm out of my normal standards. Right now, I'm supposed to be awesome. But, I have my doubts. I'm not good enough to be in Rockestra last year, and there are people that are 7 years younger than me being able to play very well. It's shocking for me, and I felt like I'm just a ruined talent. I wasn't nurtured to the best of my capabilities until... now?! That's just insane. Everyone else had lessons for years, being able to play like a breeze. In college, you need to do that.

On the other hand, I'm very good at vocals. I seem to understand everything they give me. I'm the true leader. Everyone wanted to stand by me, hearing my voice so they won't get off-key and find themselves back into the music. The thing is, I'm just a persuer. I would do anything to reach that high standard of... good. I don't want to go to college being poor at music. I guess that I will continue harponning my skills until September. I hope that I will succeed.

Abortion

Abortion. What comes into you're mind? Do you think that it is right? Even if your soon to born child will have a disease? I strongly don't believe in abortion. I mean, it's a child! Children are the gifts of God. Even though you got raped or it was a mistake, you should still at least give birth to them. I don't care about if you keep the baby or not, wheather you give it for adoption or not. Just do one thing for me. Don't you ever abuse that child or harm it in any way. And if you are getting rid of it, be sure that you checked the soon-to-be guardians of that child. Be sure that you're child is loved. Show your love to them. If you chose to give your child to someone else, when your child grows up, they might be looking for you. So seek them out, and please don't cause any emotional harm to your child. Your child will have puzzling questions; be careful with your words.

Ancient Behaviors and how it Affects us

I believe that we are imitating how ancient people behave. Such as fighting, hostile threats, being prejudice, have some cruel humer, ect. What really surprises me is that it's 2011 and people are still being hostile and prejudice to each other. At least it improved quite a bit than in ancient times. But, why did it take so long to stop this mistreatable behavior? I believe that it's in our genes, or in our DNA. A lot of elderly women are being prejudice and spread gossip behind people's backs. My grandfather does not like African-American people. It's just astonishing how people are being so mean to each other. The question is, why? Is it our mechanism to protect ourselves back then? Or what? I don't know the answers, but I want you guys to know that we should try to stop bullying other people and using hostile threats.

That is all,
Anna

Leaders

Yesterday in English class we were talking about the 1960’s, how there’s highs and lows during that time. How Kennedy got shot, how Martin Luther King Jr. got murdered, how there’s war, and a generation gap between teenagers and adults. When we watched a history documentary about the 1960’s, it states that movements create leaders, rather than leaders create movements. I believe in that saying because, if there’s a revolution, who leads it? There would be no revolution without leaders.

I believe that we need leaders to run this poor, devastating country. When you watch the BBC news, they always will have devastating news like the stock markets going down, talks about the war, the rise of the cost for gas, everything. That’s like, depression all at once. It affects each and every single being in the world. I don’t know how people would be able to cope with all the worries. It’s too much for me to handle. It’s like they need to be in a fantasy world in order to keep sane, or don’t watch the news at all. We need a leader; not just any leader, we need a leader that is not afraid, knows which route is best, has great tactics, and not anger other countries by our actions. Also, we need to get rid of debt. It would take more than 50 years to get that debt all paid. In order for that to happen, Americans should be independent as they were when this country was founded. Americans should work hard for their money and not ask for government help. If we kept on asking, then we will be dependent. The government will make mandatory laws on how to run your life. Like how to eat. Did you know that the government will be taking away salt, sugar, basically everything? That they will stop making chips, there won’t be any fast food restaurants, no desert at al, no candy, no chocolate at all. That means organic food that people could barely afford, fresh meat, and a lot of fruits. They might also get rid of pasta because it has salt. That is what we’re facing at. We need to be independent and get healthy before they take to drastic measures.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we needed the government, but if they have too much power, then that’s when things get really messy. We Americans need to shape our actions responsibly before they actually do that. And for that, we need leaders.

Arguments

Ok, I wish that someone in my family would understand me. I have to practice the piano because next year I have college, and I'm definitly not ready for college. I have to practice every single day. I need to, otherwise I will struggle and fail college. I wish that my sister would understand that than screaming at me and saying, "Go to hell!" Since I have a piano teacher, it is my responsibility to practice, just like homework. If my sister has a problem with it, she needs to schedule a time with me when shouldn't I play. Because, either way, I have to practice every single day. I have to practice at least one hour every day. And I have to take breaks from playing and play again. Because if you rest for a little, you will get better, rather than playing it for 4 hours without breaks. And if my sister still complains, she needs to talk to me and compromise. Because otherwise there will be arguements every single day, and our relationship will be torn. My mom supports me because she knows how important this is for me, especially college. I want to strive for improvement every practice. That's how much I have to work.

Halloween

Since it's Halloween, I'm going to make a little poem using spooky sounds to create an effect. Hope you like it.


Trick or Treat
Smell my feet
Give me something
Good to Eat

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
What's that,
Who's there?
I don't know

Bat came flying
Out from a cave
Making eerie sounds
As it went.

An owl came hooting
Nearby.
Looking at the moon with
It's big,
Beedy eyes.

Just overhead,
There is a
Gravel sound
Of a carraige
And horses pulling
The carraige,
Carrying a castet
Trailing behind them.

There on top of the horses
Is a headless man
With a black,
Grimy cloack on.

Steering the horses
 All the way to the
Cemetary.

He got out
Of the carriage,
and jumped out
Of fright from an
Eeery, ghostly noise.

The horses were startled
And left the
Headless man alone,
In the dark.

When the headless man
Turned around,
There he found a
Ghost,
Right in front
Of him.

Ahhhhhhh!!!!



The End.

What People See

So far, everything in my life is in order. I finished my gold award project (going to get a gold award next month), been accepted to Wartburg College, have been awarded for volunteer work at Sioux City Public Museum, got good grades, recieved a scholorship from good grades, and is now a Student of the Week at West High. How is that possible? What do other people see in me that I don't? Would they know that I don't act like that at home? That I have bad habits and stuff? Would they even care? What kind of potential do they see in me that I don't see; that is rare in teenagers. Is it caring? Is it leadership skills? What is it? Would I make a huge difference when I grow up? Would I become famous? Would everyone know who I am? Would they know that I'm just a normal girl that is in Girl Scouts, volunteers, gets good grades, and have a normal day life, only juggling through activities?

I didn't try to be a show off. I'm just trying to do everything as innocently as I can. Just like what the Girl Scout Promise says. I live through the Girl Scout Promise my whole life, that it becomes a habit to do all those activities to help others. Just last weekend, I helped with the Glow Out Party for Girl Scouts by helping out with activities and entertain young Girl Scouts. Would other people do that? There really is a joy in volunteering; those people make me laugh and I'm glad to be a positive influence to those younger girls. What's a big deal about that? I volunteer daily and that's how I do as a living. Otherwise I'll be coped up in a house, trapped and have nothing to do, and will have an irritant mode all the time. I would probably be in an irritant mode after a long day of volunteering, but it depends if people treat me with respect or not. I just don't see how I'm different than other people and recieve a big honor like I'm a superhero. This is how I'm raised; I'm goody-goody-two-shoes.

First Piano Lesson

Today was my first piano lesson since 2005. I could not believe my luck that I actually found a teacher that I don't have to pay! But, when I first began, I made a lot of mistakes and I thought that I'm not good enough. I'm used to not being criticized about my playing, but now that there's someone to judge you, you realize that you're not all that. I may have talent, but I need to re-harness that talent to reach my whole potential. Mary, the piano teacher, told me that I'm playing with flat fingers; not curved fingers. But, that's a habit of mine that won't break unless I practiced correctly for months. I also found out that I'm not counting the value of the notes. I also rush. How will I ever be prepared for college? This is agony; I will definitely fail college if I don't fix those mistakes now. I'm just glad that she caught it early on, though it hurts to hear the feedback. But, it takes time and practice to get better, so that's exactly what I'm doing. The next lesson is next Monday, so hopefully I'll be able to improve a lot before that time. I have to make a milestone of improvement each and every lesson. That is a promise.

Practice makes perfect.

My Mom's Health

I'm worried about my mom's health lately. Usually she would say that she's tired and stuff, but right now her back's really taking a toll on her. Her back started hurting yesterday, and it's starting to get worse. Also, every summer she would have a rash around her legs and stuff, and she wouldn't go to the doctor because our family doctor doesn't even care about us. She also has anger problems, like really big anger problems. To the point that she's cuss and swere at some pointless things.

I hope that she doesn't get a serious disease, like other people I know. Every person I know had something like an illness, and they all died. I do not want my mom to die. Especially if I'm going to college next year.

Right now, I'm hoping for the best.

A Sprinkle of Hope

You know how I love to play the piano, right? That I don't have a piano teacher; that I learned how to play by myself in all these years? Well, I thought that I'll eventually get a piano teacher during college, but I finally found one today.

I was at Rustain Church; my pastor does both churches so today we had a combined services. Before our service begins, I told a lady that sat beside me that I'm going to Wartburg College and major in music education. Well, turns out, the piano player, named Mary, overheard our discussion and she volunterrly wanted to help me prepare for college by being my piano teacher. She majored in music education and taught music for 37 years. She wanted to help me because she had a tough time in college for her major, especially in piano. She told me that for her exam, she could play any song, but the professor has to make you play in different keys. She had a hard time with that, but suceeded and recieved an A. Since I don't have a piano teacher since 2005, it's crucile to me to be prepared for college.

After the church service, we talked on the set date, and guess what? We're having it tomorrow! Right after school, I will drive over there and learn how to play new songs, and how to transpose, and everything. I don't have to pay her, either! Which is extra good, because I'm tight with money as it is.

I'm so glad to actually meet a person that would help me with my future profession. I'm so thankful to actually meet a person that would help me with what I'm intending to do in the future. I usually learned new songs by ear, and she said that's a good skill to have.

College

Four years ago, I was searching for colleges. I don't really know what I want to be; all I know is that I want to teach. But I have a particular interest in music, so I decided to major in music education. It's hard to choose a college when there's so many choices. Since my mom works at a private college for over four years, I could go to any private colleges tuition free! But, if the private college is over $25,000, then some of the tuition is free and some of it is not. My college that I'm going to is Wartburg. When I first went there, I loved it. It has a great atmosphere, great education program, the classes are small (which I like), and it has an open-door policy for help. Plus, once you graduate, your councilor will help you find a job; which has over an 80% rating of success to find a job! Just yesterday, I got accepted to go there, with $13,000 for my good grades. Now all I have to worry about is the cost. Right now I just finished  my national scholarship. It's called Prudential Spirit of Community Award. If I got accepted at state or national level, I'll go to Washington D.C. for free with a parent at no expenses! Plus, I'll receive a lot of awards. I cannot wait! Here is the link: http://spirit.prudential.com/view/page/soc/16676. Hurry, the deadline is November 1st. Plus, you need a lot of volunteer hours to qualify.

I cannot wait until I go to Warburg College; I want to go there now! It feels like home to me, plus it has rich history as to why it's called Wartburg College. Did you know that it's named after a castle in Eisenach, Germany? That is where Martin Luther was disguised as a knight and translated the Bible for the common folk. I applaud him for that, because now we don't have to listen from our pastors without a Bible at hand; we could read the text ourselves.

I also liked the program in there; they are good at teaching music and education, plus literary arts. Right now, I'm also big on writing. Did you know that they also have an instrument workshop where you could fix instruments? Yep, that's big. Schools are also looking for that, instead of paying a heavy bill on Midbell. They also have ballroom dancing classes and a huge gym for everyone. I cannot wait!

Since I love choir and orchestra, I will sign up for those classes while I'm in there. There is Wartburg Choir that sings A Capella (my friend is in that group), Castle Singers; jazz group, Ritterchoir; men's group, St. Elizabeth Chorale; women, Chapel Choir, and Gospel Choir. I'm hoping that I'll be in Wartburg Choir and St. Elizabeth Choral, that is, if I could do both. I would also join in Chamber Orchestra (if I could play well). I would also have a composition class and will learn on how to play other instruments. I would probably major in Bachelor of Music Education degree in choral music for secondary schools, and if I could, also teach Orchestra.

Knights Rock!
P.S. This is a link about how Wartburg College has it's name. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJWcy52IZdw

Lacking Family Support

I seriously hate it when my family does not take interest into what I like. When I'm trying to show them something, they ignore it and are oblivious about it. They hardly know what I'm thinking, what are my values, anything. My siblings don't even care about it. Whenever I try to do something like play the piano, they dearly wish that I would stop. But, I can't. It's my life, and they can't take it away from me. I seriously think that music made me sane. I'm not wacky, and I think that music kept my emotions in track. I could listen to something soothing to relax me, and voila! My troubles are gone. If there's no music, then I'm a completely different person.

Scars

Scars are formed after your injury or wound has been healed. You get them from fights, accidents, ect. But, when it's all healed, would it actually heal? The scare will be there for your entire life, whether you want to forget about that incident or not. It leaves you a mark, and you can't get rid of it. People will faintly see the scare and ask, "what happened?" Then, you didn't say anything. Because you want to forget. It's that incident that makes it tragic. Whether you had a car crash and you lost your friend, expensives, abuse, etc. You just want to erase that past. But you can't. It's part of life. And you have to deal with it.

Throughout my Life, A Brief Summery

Year 1- Birth, duh.
Year 2- Normal baby stuff
Year 3- Moved out of an old house and lived in a house I'm currently in now
Year 4- don't know
Year 5- Preschool, had an award for being kind to people and help them out. (yea, I could remember that)
Year 6- Kindergarden
Year 7- 1st grade, first year I joined Girl Scouts. Went through Special Ed.
Year 8- 2nd grade, had no interest into anything, was a perfectionest at that time. First had a teacher I actually like. First introduced to classical music and Mozart. Ever since then I love music.
Year 9- 3rd grade, got out of Special Ed at the second half of the quarter, was really confused at math. (learning how to multiply and divide, never been introduced before). Joined ballet and piano lessons.
Year 10- 4th grade, remembered that I didn't finish my homework and my favorite teacher at that time was mad at me. Went to Sylvan Learning Center (for 18 months), continued ballet and piano lessons.
Year 11- 5th grade- no longer in ballet, but I started playing the violin. Had piano lessons, but had to quit. Piano Teacher died.
Year 12- 6th grade- Met Mr. Oleson. First had my crush. Loved science back then. Earned my Bronze Award in Girl Scouts.
Year 13- 7th grade- First got all A's.
Year 14- 8th grade- Was recognized by the school, was in Quota Club (recognized young girls for leadership).
Year 15- 9th grade- First joined in a sport called Cross Country and Track, name was in the newspaper, was really sore and tired that year, could not remember much. Earned Silver Award in Girl Scouts.
Year 16- 10th grade- First tried out for a play called "Sweeney Todd." Found my identity.
Year 17-11th grade- Tried out for "South Pacific." Got in. Quit Cross Country due to health issue with my knees. (miss running). Had difficult time with Algebra II.
Year 18- 12th grade- Finished my Gold Award Project and am planning on the party. Met some cool friends, found people that loves Doctor Who, got all A's again, found out that I love Psychology (which is wierd), first year that I'm not in any sports at all in my high school years.

Do you Know?

Do you ever know that I have ADHD? Was that shocking to you? It's shocking for me too, because I know about it, then forgot, then I remember. What's really wierd is that you wouldn't tell that I have ADHD. I somehow trained my brain to focus excessivly in one task. I don't know how I did it, but I did.

When I was little, I used to take this pill called Aderall XR. This pill that I'm taking is supposed to make me think before my actions, and to have a higher concentration level in my tasks. But, the downside is that I wouldn't be able to talk right. I have a slow reaction to my actions instead of my brain. My mind is telling me this and I could not interpret that into words. Words is a foreign language to me. It still is. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, the wrong word, and the wrong sentence format. That pill does not help me with my social skills at all, and I already am having trouble with social skills in the first place. That pill also took away my personality. On the upside, I could focus, but on the downside, I will follow every single order somebody gives me. I was playing "nice nice" and "teacher's pet." I never attentionally brake any rules. I was like a robot, with no feelings, and once something happend, then I would tear down just like that. And I would not recognize why I'm crying; why I'm doing this. I cannot identify my feelings at all when I was young. I still can't today. Sometimes I would ask myself, "why are you crying?" And I would not have an answer. I first took this pill when I was in 2nd grade, and stopped taking it in 8th grade. I would take it every single day, and if I would forget a day, then it would take 2-3 days to get back on focus. I believe that since I took that pill during my child development stages, that I would still act the same thing today. I'm trying to break that path, because truthfully, I know that I could do better.

The reason why I say this is because ever since I stopped taking this pill, I was in a lot of school activities, in Girl Scouts, and in church activities. Because I was in all these activities, I need excessive focus. I was even in Cross Country, and personally, I think that Cross Country, or some type of excersice, helps because it makes you think before you react. And that's what I needed at that time. I was also interested into music, and I think that helped me with my talking, too. And look at me now! I have all A's, I finished and recieved my Girl Scout Gold Award (which is the highest award in Girl Scouts), I'm in National Council of Youth Leadership, and other things. If you are struggling, don't dwell in the past. Just do something to improve yourself and shock other people on what you can do.

Finding Your True Inner Self

If your seeking for your identity, keep on searching. Don't give up. Teenagers usually seek for identity at this time. Try to think about what you're interested in. Try to find your strenghts and weaknesses. That will help. But if you are bad at math, and you love it, seek help. If you want to be a math teacher, go ahead. You'll truly know if you like it or not when you get to college. But, do not let other people say you can't do this or that. You follow your own dream. There are thousands that are struggling and fighting for their dream, but some only made it because they are taking every single stride to their careers. They are getting help. And also, follow in what you believe in. If you believe that animals should not be homeless and abused, support the Humane Society, or be a vet. If you believe that everyone should have help due to a natural disaster, support Red Cross. If you believe that people should not suffer from not having nutrition due to not having food, support the Crop Walk. Always, always help someone that's in need. And if that advice doesn't help you find what you want to be, then look at your talents. What are you best at? Do you see yourself being that person? Would you like it? How would you achieve to get that career? Do you have to go to college? If so, where? Would you recieve help over there to successfully be in your profession?

And if that didn't help, calm down. You're not the only one who's searching for an identity. My best advice for you is to calm down, and just think. It will come to you. You will find your identity.

Ribbons for the Deceased

The White Ribbon is for Grandma Pricella. Died in Feb. 2002, Old Age
The Pink Ribbon is for my piano teacher, Chris. Died in 2005, Breast Cancer
The Green Ribbon is for my sister's friend's mom. Died in 2008, Heart Attack
The Pink Ribbon is for my Aunt. Died in 2010. Heart Attack, Pills.
The Red Ribbon is for my friend's mother. Died in 2011. Even though I don't know her, I know that she is a good mother who cares for everyone and gives advice.
The Blue Ribbon is for my Grandpa, Richard. Died May 25, 2011, after surgery for his digestive system. I miss his whitles and his animal sounds. He's the only person who does animal noises. He's also known for wood crafting, and is a hard worker in the farm. Cares about family values.

Playing God

I feel like I'm playing God. To actually care about how other people feel, to be a mentor for my friends; give them helpful advice. Because I don't want people to be lost into an unknown path of unknown possibilities. I'm scared of their possible consequences. I want to be there for them, to help them out. You know about my last post of worrying about little things and it will turn into the drastic result? Well, that leads to this. I felt like I need to help others. If my friends turned out not okay, then I would be worried. I would lose it. I could not handle any more suffering. If I did, then I don't know how I do it.

This kind of reminds me of Doctor Who, how he would always save people's lives by solving the problems; only it will be like stopping aliens and stuff. Well, I worry about their lives. I want to solve their problems even though I know I can't. Today I was crying because I was feeling helpless. Because their lives are a mess and I'm doing everything I can to make their lives better. I know that I can't change where they live and have a wonderous mansion with their family again. But what I can do is to make special memories, like watching Doctor Who, go to the Homecoming Dance, goof off, be wacky, and have fun. We would also write stories together. I want them to know that I'm also struggling, that I'm not perfect. But I cannot talk about it because I'm still confused with my past. When it's finally clear to me, I'll tell. Everyone struggles and you cannot believe that their success leads them to their best possible careers. Even famous people have struggles. They are not perfect, but they know their weakness and their strenghts and made the best out of it.

If everyone cares for other people's lives, would we become heroes? Would we actually save their lives? Would we make an impact? That is the most difficult question for me to answer. Please leave a comment on what you're thinking. I'm seeking for results. I need help.

My Worst Assumptions

I remember, when I was very little, I would be scared about everything. I would be scared about the weather, the people I socialize with, raising my hand in front of class, giving out speaches, etc. Plus, I was very shy. I was probably the shyist person ever. And the reason why I was shy, is because I don't want to be made fun of. I don't want people to think of me as an outcast of elementry school, which I pretty much was. Because I don't have the same interests. I don't have video games, I don't like pop music (when I was young), I hate PE, I don't read chapter books, and I don't like playing outside.

Then at home, I would usually watch the weather channel on channel 33. And whenever they would say, "The hurricane is coming right near Emily," then I would run downstairs and tell my parents. That is when I'm not introduced to geography at that time. I was pretty young, then. But, for years that would happen, me watching the weather channel, being scared about what's coming next even though it wouldn't reach where I live. Then, I started to have the worst kind of assumptions ever from just a tiny outcome. It's crazy! Like, one time, when I was 6, I was hanging out with Dylon, my neighbor friend, and he invited us in his yard. Then, 15 minutes later, we got caught, and Dylon's mother chased Dylon, Emily (my sister), and me with a broom. Then, I remember being lost, even though my house was a block away, and had horrible assumptions. One of them is if I would ever see my parents again. Another one is if I would be safe; would I survive. I took that fear all the way home, feeling glad that I could see my parents again and being safe and sound. But we told our tales to our parents, and they were furious. That's all I could remember from that event.

I have series of stories like that, but one of them happened very recently. I'm in high school, doing talent show auditions with my friend, and after we're done, she cried. I won't say her name, why she cried, or anything because it's too personal. So, I calmed her down, eased her, and we would talk. Just when I was about to get her home, she said that her sister would probably pick her up. So I left. An hour later, I found out that her sister is looking for her. I was out of my mind at that time. My brain was churning, and I was thinking what could possibly happen to her. I was the last one to see her, I thought, and so it was my responsibility that she was safe. I then thought that she ran away, had committed suicide, or something like that. Pretty horid thinking, but what else are you supposed to do? I was crying, praying, and even thinking about the possible outcome even though it didn't happen. Turns out, she was waiting for 2 hours for her sister. I should of come back to get her.

Friend in Need

Hey. I have a friend who's now a published author, and you could view her work, and if you like it, press "like." This is a big favor that I'm asking you, so you should like her posts. She really wants people to view her work, so she could succeed into being a great author. So, click on the links shown below, read them, and like. Thank you for participating!

http://authspot.com/poetry/rhinoceros-on-my-soul/
http://authspot.com/short-stories/burned-5/
http://authspot.com/poetry/music-89/
http://authspot.com/poetry/monsters-8/
http://authspot.com/poetry/dishes-6/
http://healthmad.com/children/personal-creed/\

Changes

Your body changes everyday, but today, it's different, especially for me. I found out that I lost 10 lb. And I don't do excessive workouts! That's insane! And last night, we had speghetti for dinner. So I was like, "yum!" and ate 2 helpings with garlic bread. I always ate that kind of amount, because I'm always hungry. But later, I ended up pucking in the toilet. It turns out that I ate too much for my body to handle. Even though I always ate that same amount. It's kind of wierd. Then, my dad started noticing how skinny I was, but he thought that it's healthy skinny. And I'm not trying to lose weight, it just happened. The only thing that I changed for my diet is water and eating a sandwich with water everyday for lunch. (Could not drink milk due to being a singer.) But, you should accept change, right? So, that means I should not have 2-3 helpings, especially pasta. I hope that I'll be able to cope these changes and not puck all the time like last night.

Family Values

I'm a senior in high school, almost reaching adulthood, and my life is busy. I have a bunch of activities to do; like Girl Scouts, church services, school, etc. I volunteered a lot. And yet, to some, that's not much. A lot of people have jobs and joined sports, part of the student council, and numerous of other activities. I don't know how they did it, but they did. A lot of teenagers these days are always active, that if you assigned them one more task they have to do, they could just barly breath. And a lot of their families barly see them, only early dawn and late evenings would they ever see them. Family values are crucil to this point because you want to see how their week has been. Have you ever noticed that some teenagers are doing volunteer work for the greater cause? Like gay straight alliance? And a whole lot of others. And it's up to the teenager to get their parents to voluteer whenever they can. For my parents, they won't volunteer, and it saddens me that my parents can't help for a cause or help for an organization that I'm supporting. It's not fair. Middle aged parents need to volunteer something to show support for their children. Because that adds to your family value.

Dentist Office

Yesturday, while I was waiting for my dentist, I was looking at the screen and saw the transformation of people's teeth that had diseases, and how it all turns out nice and bright. It turned out sexy. And healthy. When they were cleaning my teeth, they used a paintbrush and started painting them with some chemical that cleans your teeth. While they applied it, I thought, Is being a dentist some kind of art? Is it like a makeover artist or a fashion artist? And then I concluded my answer. Yes. Because they transform teeth into straight, white, and healthy teeth. And it's healthy for you to go to the dentist. You could prevent gum disease and other diseases that could ruin your health. So if you haven't went to the dentist for an annual cleansing, I would say to you do it now. Set an appointment right now, and get your sexy teeth back.

Normal Day Life

Every weekend after church, my mom would cook a Sunday dinner. It's tradition to eat a meal shortly after church. But after that, blah. Nothing. We don't take walks; we don't do anything. My mom would just sit in her chair and watch t.v., my dad would sleep, and my sister and I would try to do something proactive. We have no family moments together, and I wonder if it's because we live in a big house. If you live in a smaller house, then you would be out in the public more, but if you live in a big house... you have everything you need! A computer room, game room, reck room, living room, dining room, breakfast room, bedrooms, and a huge backyard with a basketball court we barly used. That's insane! But, no. We don't do that stuff. And everyday we're aging. Why aren't we moving? We need to laugh. We need to get out of the house. We need to know our neighbors. And we need to do something thrilling.

Technology, grrr!

I seriously don't like it if people complain that they could not live without technology. They are like... married to their electronics. My sister could not live without her cell phone, and now that it's broken, she totally freaked out about it like it's the end of the world. What's wrong with you, people?! Are you, like, married to your phones and whenever it broke, you feel vunerable and don't know how to live? Give yourself a life! You could do anything extraordinary without technology. Give yourself a hobbie. Have a nature retreat and camp outside without technology. I did, and what a wonderful experience!

If you could Create a Perfect World...

If you could create a perfect world, what would it be like? Would there be ordinary people? Whould there be no violence? Whould there be rulers, or not? Whould there be government? My view in the perfect world is exactly the way it is now. The reason why I say that is because whenever there is a tornado or a hurricane, there are people who took their time saving others and giving out to them. If your image of a perfect world is no k.s. in the world, then what would happen to the people? At first, they would all work out fine, but later they would turn into greedy minds, getting whatever they want. For me, I don't see that as a perfect world. I see it as greedy minds taking over the perfect world. They would not give out to others, and in my world, people are giving back to others. But, we're missing a leader. We're missing a great leader that could lead this country and get us off of our global debt. We're in the hole right now, but if people start working together for the greater cause, then everything will be right.

Finding Light at the end of the Tunnel

Whenever you have a bad day, you would:

• Stuff your face with junk food
• Yell at someone
• Start hitting
• Lock yourself up in your room
• Isolate yourself

Either way, you would question yourself, "When would this end? Will it be worse?" You would crawl yourself to bed, wondering how would things get better. Whenever you have a bad day, don't cry and say that things are not going well. I want you to start doing something proactive. If you're good at art, draw. If you're good at singing, sing. If your good at dancing, dance. You get the idea. Just don't discourage yourself. If you still have a bad day, talk to your friends. They are your mentors in life, only they actually know you. They will always stand behind your back. And one day, you will find light at the end of the tunnel. And it will shine like the sun.

Heroes of the World

When you look at people's reactions through your daily life, you think, "Who are they? Do they actually act that way, or are they pressured to be nice?" You want to interact with them, to know them. That's what human beings do, right? Interact and socilaize. Hear the latest gossip. Learn about them. But when you actually know them, they don't turn out to be as kind as you thought. You hear them showing negative behavior. You always see them complaining about their lives, how it sucked along with our economy. But, there are few individuals in the world today that actually shows actual kindness. They don't judge others. They are mature. They listen to you. They will always be there for you. And once you get to know them, they actually went through a lot. Some of those people have no family. Some of them are lonely. Some of them suffered a lot of grief. And what's really unique about these people is that they shined like a star. They are not destroyed by disturbance. They have overcome. And they make me smile. That's why I call them Heroes of the World.